After 12 grueling sessions of chemo, I am now told the cancer is “almost” cleared up, and my sessions have all but ended. Now starts my bimonthly checkups, with blood tests, ct scans, and monthly port flushes. I am thankful for the friends and family who stood by me through the ordeal, and feel grateful for my life. However, I am also finding a sense of sadness; I’m feeling like a part of me is gone, and I’m grappling with how I “should” be feeling and what I “should” be doing. Nonetheless, I continue to give thanks and take each day as it comes, to the best of my ability. Really, the one thing that would completely clear my mind would be the announcement that I was “cancer free”…but I am sure I won’t be hearing that until the three to five year mark. And yet time marches on…
I realize now, more than ever, that the Lord has been, and always will be, by my side each day. All I have to do is ask for His help and He will help me–it may be on His time, but he WILL help me. Gratitude is an attitude, as is said, and I believe it now more than ever. When I’m ungrateful, nothing makes sense. When I feel the gratitude flowing through my veins, I understand how very precious life is.
Bless you, and have a glorious day.